I was meant to be having my operation tomorrow, however this isn't the case anymore. I received the news on Friday that it had to be cancelled because my blood still isn't clotting and I don't have enough red blood cells and that I am anaemic. My nurse was bemused about the fact that I hadn't been feeling ill or had any tell tale signs that my iron levels were so low, I, on the other hand found it amusing.
I don't find it amusing anymore. Pyschology is a bitch: now I know that I should be feeling ill, I really am feeling awful. I don't have any energy, my skin is a really attractive grey/white colour, I keep getting waves of nausea and my hair is still falling out in handfuls (okay, nothing new there). My boyfriend was ever so kind today and said I looked like a "tramp trying to go cold turkey". Thanks, love you too.
On top of that I have been feeling more and more anxious over the past few days, which is turning into utter paranoia. I don't feel very safe and it doesn't seem to matter where I am, that feeling of panic and knowing that someone is watching and following me doesn't go away.
And I'm still waiting for my new counsellor to call me; I've been waiting a week and predict another instance of me turning up there in a mental state needing to speak to someone but ending up legging it again.
Mental. Beware.
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