"It's good to see you looking a bit brighter and happier."
Oh the irony. Actually I feel anything but that. But the smile, putting my head down and remaining fairly quiet seems to be working. I very nearly burst out laughing at that comment this afternoon.
Something I have realised though, is that taking on everyone else's problems makes me forget what is going on in my head for a short while. Looking after a twelve year old girl when she is ill and there are suspicions of her having an eating disorder is one of the better things I have achieved today. Trying to sort out the mess that a young girl has got herself into regarding boyfriends, self harm and drugs is again something which takes my mind off things. I am a complete hypocrite, I am very willing and able to give the latter girl advice and support her, and yet that same advice I can't follow myself. But that disassociation, however damaging it may be for myself in the long run, is the only thing which keeps me going and stops me collapsing onto the ground in a trance like state of utter paranoia and panic.
I am my own worst enemy.
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